A Bible story inspired by church camp dramas:
Samson and Delilah
Judges 16 (RCV, Revised Camp Version)
And behold, a man named Samson (which means “one with suspiciously long, nylon hair”) approached the city of Gaza. Though small of stature and scrawny of build, he was known throughout the land for his great strength. That night, as evidence of his powers, Samson arose, put the doors of the city gate upon his shoulders, and single-handedly—with the help of two ropes that descended from the heavens—carried the doors away.
A woman named Delilah turned aside to see this sight. Samson pleased her. She looked down upon his face—for she was a tall, lanky blonde—and said, “Will you come to my house, Samson?” This utterance caused the lords of the Philistines to splutter and snicker. Then they plotted together, saying, “We must get Delilah to vex Samson’s soul till he reveals his secret to her.”
And Samson, wisting not that Delilah would deceive him, followed her to her chambers. She pressed Samson until he confessed wherewith his strength lieth; yea, in his long hair.
As Samson slept, Delilah revealed a large pair of scissors, with which she made snipping noises while removing the wig of long hair covering his head.
“Wake up, Samson!” shouted Delilah. And immediately the Philistines were upon him. With great fury and much scuffling, they wrestled together. The Philistines plucked out Samson’s marble eyes, three of which rolled across the floor. They bound him with fetters (which are called in the Hebrew, “lengths of plastic clothesline”). And they forced Samson to grind at the prison mill.
And it came to pass that the hearts of the Philistines were merry.
“Our hearts are merry!” they cried. “For our god Dagon delivereth Samson unto us. Samson hath slew many of us, but now he will . . . slaw no more!”
In their glee, the Philistines offered sacrifices to Dagon, a powerful god fashioned out of masking tape, spray paint, and a refrigerator crate made from the finest trees of Lebanon…Ohio.
The three thousand Philistines, which numbered nine, brought Samson to the temple area. They rejoiced and made sport of Samson.
Howbeit, the hair of Samson’s head had quickly grown again—as quickly as it took an arm to reach from behind the curtain and replace the wig on Samson’s head.
Then Samson, sensing that both his hair and his strength had returned, reached out his hands to feel the pillars whereupon the temple stood. And Samson leaned upon the pillars, praying, “O Lord God, remember me. Strengthen me only this once that I may be avenged of the Philistines.”
Then Samson pushed himself, both his right hand and his left, with all his might. But Samson prevailed not, for the pillars had been built to last by a very stout camp dean.
Thus prayeth Samson a second time: “O Lord God, strengthen me one more time Please!!!” But the temple pillars fell not. Samson babbled his prayer in vain repetition, adding “O Lord, let me die!” with heartfelt sincerity. At length, the Philistines had compassion on him. It behooved them to join him in bringing the pillars, yea the entire temple, down upon themselves. And great was the fall of it.
The multitude that witnessed this event marveled that the foolish Philistines would help Samson take their very lives. Then they reasoned among themselves, “Well, whaddya expect from people who worship a god made out of a refrigerator crate!”